...and yet afraid.

As the second anniversary of my husband's passing is barely behind me, I still find myself struggling with the memories of those last days spent at the hospital and facing what would be the inevitable conclusion of the cancer battle.

I think this may be why I prolonged the quest of getting my studio completed..and all of the other partially completed projects I find myself in the middle of. I tend to get depressed at this time of year...(you see, my husband and I were once referred to as 'siamese twins'..you seldom saw one without the other)..so it becomes painfully obvious that, "one of the 'twins' has been removed."

I ran across a blog with a very interestingly titled post. The post led me to the following poem which... kind of puts my current life (alone) into perspective for me.

Edgar Lee Masters (1868–1950).

Spoon River Anthology. 1916. 64.

George Gray

I HAVE studied many times

The marble which was chiseled for me—

A boat with a furled sail at rest in a harbor.

In truth it pictures not my destination

But my life.
5


Sorrow knocked at my door, but I was afraid;

Ambition called to me, but I dreaded the chances.

Yet all the while I hungered for meaning in my life.

And now I know that we must lift the sail
10
And catch the winds of destiny

Wherever they drive the boat.

To put meaning in one’s life may end in madness,

But life without meaning is the torture

Of restlessness and vague desire—
15
It is a boat longing for the sea and yet afraid.